Today is my first day back at work after a delightful four-day weekend. It was also my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers.
I’ll be honest, I seriously considered not going today. I knew my weight was going to be up and I thought, how sucky and embarrassing to have a gain after just three weeks. I thought, I should just skip it, get back on track and go next week.
But in the end I decided to go. It wasn’t pretty (I was up 1.6 lbs – damn you hard apple cider and grilled cheese sandwiches!) but I’m glad that I went. It doesn’t matter what kind of week you’ve had, you’ll almost always hear something that helps you put things in perspective or gets your fire going again.
Today’s meeting was about the reasons why we want to lose weight. It’s about knowing what those reasons are (health, energy, appearance, confidence, etc.) and keeping them close to you when things get challenging. Our conversation kind of spun out to include the reasons why things get challenging. We talked a lot about how and why we sabotage ourselves, and how being at meetings helps because it reminds us we’re not alone. One woman said that she was always frustrated that she couldn’t lose faster, that she was always struggling to get it right. But now, she said, she’s realized that OF COURSE it’s hard, because she’s really changing. Change isn’t easy, and if it is, you’re probably doing it wrong.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the last time I lost weight. I was a machine back then – a Weight Watching machine. Nothing stood in my way. I mean, cripes, I lost SIX POUNDS over CHRISTMAS that year. And I thought I was doing so great, that I had it all figured out -- but maybe I never really did.
This time around, it feels harder. I kept thinking that maybe I’m just not as dedicated this time, but I’m not sure that’s it. I think going to my meeting today shows dedication. I think ‘fessing up about the gain shows dedication. So I think that this time around, I’m trying to actually change. I don’t want to just bulldoze my way to success, because I know where that gets me – right back where I started. I want to do it right this time. I want to get it right. I want to change.