Thanks for all your kind words on yesterday's post. They made me realize this: yes, it sucks to be starting over, but what's the alternative? NOT starting over? I am where I am right now, for better or worse, and there's nothing to do but keep on keeping on.
I also came across this great post by Suzi Storm today, where she talks about having to lose weight after a regain. She says the biggest hurdle is patience, and when I read that, my whole brain went YES!!!! *ding ding ding*.
A big part of my problem for the past year and a half is that I've really resisted the idea of having to do all of this AGAIN. And when I do suck it up and decide to give it another go, I want all that weight gone, like, yesterday. And obviously, that isn't going to happen. I have to give up that idea, and embrace the fact that it's going to take me just as long to lose it this time as it did last time, and it's going to be just as much work.
I think I'm getting there. I reread some posts from my old A Cake For A Wife blog, and one thing I noticed that I really embraced back then was the fact that this was going to be a LIFELONG endeavor. Well, obviously that attitude didn't last, but for a good portion of the time I was losing, I truly seemed to accept the fact that this was just how I was going to live from now on. I gave up focusing on the destination, and instead focused on the process.
I think that's a big part of the puzzle, especially when losing weight for a second (or third or fourth) time. The destination -- the prize -- is almost irrelevant. It has to be about me, and the choices I make, every day. That's it.
So today I made good choices. I'm going to try tracking calories for awhile, using MyFitnessPal, because that's basic and simple. (And truthfully, at this weight, pretty much anything will technically 'work', as long as I stick to it. Counting calories or carbs or points -- doesn't really matter.) So I tracked everything. I drank two litres of water. And had salad. And told Shaun to throw out the last cookie because I absolutely wasn't going to eat it. Now I'm sipping herbal tea and blogging about it, because that's what works for me.
Which brings me to one last point: this blog. I've struggled with what to do with this blog -- should I be blogging about health, weight loss, writing, should I turn it into a lifestyle blog... I never really seemed to know what I wanted to do. Which lead to me not blogging all that often, because I couldn't find a way to balance all my interests in here. But I think now I'm going to commit to making this ENTIRELY a health and weightloss blog. Which probably won't be big news to any of you, but trust me, it takes a load of pressure off my own mind. I want to go back to blogging about weigh-ins and food and workouts, as well as the psychological aspects of weight loss, fears, non-scale victories, etc. Yeah, we're about to kick it old school in here.